I'm trapped in a relationship I hate because I'm scared I'll lose my kids

2021.10.26 21:12 thisisathroaway2021 I'm trapped in a relationship I hate because I'm scared I'll lose my kids

I (30M) met my partner (33f) around 5 years ago, it was a surprising romance where we both found each other on a dating app having known each other as kids. We'd both obviously grown, had kids, and been through various life experiences that we found we connected on almost everything.
The first year or so we spent travelling and making great memories, but this changed with a positive pregnancy test a few months later.
For reference I am the sole earner in the household, I pay every bill, I am the only one who drives and I work full time 5 days a week. I've never asked her for anything just that she looks after the kids and maintains the house (keep it presentable). The kids run riot and the house is a mess. I finish work and sometimes have to wade through waist-high piles of toys, throw soiled nappys away that are left festering on a side or I find them underneath a pile of clothes/toys.
Here is a timeline of what I've experienced.

  1. Emotional abuse: When I bought a house for our family (as we were expecting our first child and she had two of her own) I said that the tiny 2 bed flat she was living in wasn't suitable, she argued that the baby would entitle her to a council house but I didn't want us living in cramped conditions. I bought the house, did all the moving myself and paid for all the furniture to be delivered. I then had 2 years of being told that I didn't care about her or the kids because her name wasn't on the deed. This culminated in me selling the house, buying another and her refusing to move unless her name was on the deed this time.
  2. Possible Bi-Polar personality: She is very opinionated to the extent that she will scream in your face or physically hurt you if you dare to disagree with her, her usual response is roughly pinch my chest if she's annoyed, she then demands I apologize to her.
  3. Constantly put down about almost everything: My job isn't a real job, I don't have any friends, I'm fat, I'm lazy, I don't care about the kids, I'm a shit dad, I'm a shit partner, etc etc. Daily. This narrative is shared with her mother who she texts/calls all the time, I've seen messages calling me names by both of them.
  4. Hobbies? Well what about ME!? : This one sounds weird but yeah, I can't have any hobbies unless they involve her, being a tech geek I like gaming but I also have a soft spot for cars/bikes too, I'm part of a gaming group and a classic car club but barely get the time to invest.
  5. Alienating: I had a previous child who I now no longer see, if my daughter came to visit she was left in the care of my partner, she's a spoilt only child but I had limited contact so reversing that behaviour was almost impossible, my partners method was to punish her more severely than her kids because she was 'the eldest' (she's just under a year older than her eldest). Of course this ultimately made her not want to visit me anymore and now she lives with her mum full time and we have moved even further away.
  6. Unreasonable jealousy: I've never cheated nor would I ever have the opportunity to do so yet if a female name pops up on messages, facebook, or anywhere I'll immediately be questioned with 'Who is she? How do you know them?" This is usually followed by her stalking their profile declaring them 'tarts' or worse and that state she is 'shocked I'd be friends with those sort of people'. Some of these are old work colleagues or family friends fyi.
I'm sure there's more but I'm going to cut it off now because I don't really want this to be a rant. As you can imagine there have been full blown rows and threats to leave, I've said it a few times but it's always met with 'Say goodbye to your kids' and a underhanded dig that I 'already know what that's like'. I'm trapped and she knows it, she knows what I earn, she's got all the mum groups on the go advising her of her rights and what to say/do. She owns half the house so smugly tells me I can't 'kick her out' so I'm here stuck paying the mortgage, paying the bills, doing all the chores until I obviously either die of something or she has a mood swing and kills me.
To be honest, I'm not sure if I'm asking for advice here or just needing to vent, but if anyone has experience of escaping a situation like this I would genuinely appreciate it.
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